The past few weeks I’ve been working hard – lots of time at the gym as well as loads of walking (so much so, in fact, that I think I got sunstroke at the end of last week) and coping with emotions that arose quite well. Overall, the past three weeks have been going incredibly well both with my exercise and my eating. As a result (surprise surprise – not!), I’ve seen some positive results on the scale. Until yesterday. There has been a lot of bad news this week that truly caught me off-guard. It made cry because I felt helpless. And I just didn’t know where to turn. Trying to repress feelings with food is a great idea right? I’ll just shovel food in my mouth all day long — incredibly unhealthy food. Yesterday, I consumed so much food, in fact, that I was up until the early hours of the morning and part of the reason I couldn’t sleep was that my stomach actually hurts really really badly (my body is PISSED OFF about what I did to it!). My body and emotions were both in turmoil.
So did I feel better for all of this crazy eating? Not in the slightest. By the end I not only continued to feel upset, but I felt guilty as well. Add the feeling that I was going to be sick to the mix and it is one crappy combination!
Today taught me that as much I as think I’ve beaten my food demons (and I think, in the main, I truly have), they are still lurking underneath everything waiting for the chance to jump up and wreck their own form of havoc.
So when I wake up tomorrow, I don’t know if I am going to feel better about anything. The issues will still be there. That being said, I won’t be traveling this same path because trying to stuff my feelings down under a tonne of food simply doesn’t work.