New Girl Season Two – Funny Quotes

One of the things I appreciate the most about New Girl is that it is chock-full of hilarity! Whenever I watch it, I find myself giggling away because there is so much going on! With Schmidt’s crazy antics and Jess’ (Emmy Nominee Zooey Deschanel) perky personality there’s bound to be at least a few good one-liners in each episode. Although it’s hard to narrow down the options, below are the ten best quotes from Season Two.

Jess: “I am throwing Cece’s surprise bachelorette party here tonight, and the only males invited are strippers, so oil up or get out, guys.”

Schmidt: “Please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.”

Nick: “I’m just trying to figure out the level of Elvis impersonator we can afford. I think a white one is out of reach.”

Zooey Deschanel New Girl Elvis

Schmidt: “Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it’s gonna be a real drag.”

Jess: “I don’t want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?”

Nick: “I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.”

New Girl, New Girl cast

Jess: “You’re dating a stripper, I’m dating a tall handsome doctor. We’re kinda living the dream.”

Schmidt: “You are a gynecologist and a lesbian. This makes you a vagenius.”

Jess: “If any of you cross me, I’m gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You’ll look like Ken dolls down there!”

Nick: “If you were a hat, you’d be a top hat, but like a really big Monopoly one. And I say that with deepest compliments.”

New Girl cast

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One Response to New Girl Season Two – Funny Quotes

  1. Soozle says:

    Such a great show! hahah In my opinion, one of the best new comedies in the past few years!

    I also love the fact that Zooey is a REGULAR woman – she looks and acts like girls everyone you know 🙂

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